"Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart give yourself to it."

I have recently been asked the following question: Can you tell me about something you failed at?

It took some time to contemplate what I felt I failed—considering that this past New Moon was about our authentic Soul’s expression and finding what makes the soul sing. It feels appropriate to share about the failure that brought me closer to my path.

The story begins during my second last year in High School, I felt I did not know what path to take until I heard a voice in my head - Interior Design. 

I instantly loved the idea and went to my art teacher to tell her a big surprise that I was doing an art exam. I did well, but I wasn’t skilled enough to get into the University. Instead, I had to pay for my studies and this was the reason I chose to come to Ireland with an idea in my head: one year of hard work, save some money, and then come back home.

You are probably familiar with the expression: “God laughs while you are making plans”?

It was very stressful at the beginning - I did not have any English. But also, I came from an extremely small village in Lithuania where I grew up milking cows and working very hard in the field. To be in a big city like Dublin felt overwhelming, I felt so out of place.

I got very homesick and very stressed as I did not understand people. My thyroid collapsed. 

After two years I went to the Lithuanian Church near the Pearse Street dart station and started to sing in the choir - I found my tribe and my joy returned. To this day I remember the moment, I was standing in a tea room after the mass, sharing about my dream to one day come back home and study Interior design. My friend looked at me and said, but why not here? “I did the same, I did not speak any English and I managed” - he said. The thought of it felt distant yet very exciting. My first step was One year portfolio course in Stillorgan. I got nominated as the student of the Year and still did not speak any English. The irony is that I learned English in Germany where I spent four months in the Art of Living organisation where I was part of a leadership program. 

I was away in Germany and came back and finally started studying Interior design, in year one and year two I burned out and on top of that, I was heartbroken. I went into a deep depression. I thought I could do it all - I was wrong. 

I decided to help myself and change the environment and country - I flew to Malaysia and continued my studies at Limkokwing University. I had some issues there, and after the second semester, I had to leave. I flew to Northern Cyprus then and continued my studies there. My depression and lack of finances got me struggling and after another year I had to leave again. I did not get anything from either of the Universities, except the unexceptional experience. 

It was 2015 when I was back from my adventures, still feeling quite unwell but persistent to get that bloody diploma. That year I went to my first Ayahuasca ceremony, the experience of love that I felt made me with no thinking to book a journey straight to the jungle. I wanted more of that, not understanding the essence of the work we do in this kind of setting. The Journey of my Spirit had begun.

After two weeks in a jungle I returned not knowing who I am anymore, my sense of self was challenged… I did not have the tools to manage myself, so I went back to excessive eating to fill the gap inside myself. 

Thankfully, I had another journey ahead. I was part of an apprenticeship program building a natural cob House for a profoundly beautiful children's community called Jhamtse Gatsal Children's Community. My first trip to India! Where I got to spend time in a remote space on the top of the Himalayas. The energy of the space was so healing, that working with my hands was what I needed to ground myself back. One of the participants gave me a book to read and it was A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose by Eckhart Tolle which was a pure blessing. I spent three months there, working hard and finding my peace and a deeper understanding of my spiritual quest. Until time has come for us all to go and then I find out that my visa has already expired. That led me to a wild, challenging ride where I nearly ended up in jail!  

I survived the challenge and returned to Ireland. I remember very well feeling strongly called to attend another ayahuasca ceremony. I am so glad I did! That night I had my first experience of pure presence. I was witnessing myself floating into the vast darkness and feeling pure bliss. This experience brought me to my Spiritual teacher Mooji. Again, everything aligned in a way I did not expect. Literally, in a few weeks, I went to attend a Silent Retreat in Portugal. So my life began to unfold in such a way that my inner pull was leading me. I felt a deeper resonance and meaning. At that point, I made the decision that I would not continue with my attempts with Interior Design. As it felt too strenuous and challenging - I let that idea go… And I got confirmation. 

After the retreat with Mooji, I accidentally discovered healer and a shaman John Lockey and I immediately felt that I needed to meet him.”John is one of the first white men, in recent history, to become a fully initiated sangoma in the Xhosa lineage of South Africa.”

I had the privilege to meet him and bring my soul’s questions to him. John created an out of this world atmosphere, we met in a sacred space where we called in my ancestors and I asked about my soul's work. I blew into his animal skin bag full of bones, stones, shells, and other natural elements. I got a reading and confirmation that I am on a healer's path. I asked if it's through Dance - he replied that I have to figure it out myself.

"Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart give yourself to it."

–Buddha.

Picture taken from Jhamtse Gatsal Children's Community webpage.